Forbes magazine, which fancies itself as one of those highfalutin business periodicals, lowered itself into the Hollywood muck this week (hit whoring) and ran a piece on the most overpaid actors in Hollywood, using a very sophisticated algorithm that involved a lot of spit, a little friction, and a scab or two.
What they surmised after tossing aside that fancy-ass algorithm and using their goddamn common sense, however, was that Will Ferrell is Hollywood’s most overpaid actor.
Apparently, over the last five years, which have included box-office bombs like Land of the Lost, his employers have earned just $3.29 for every dollar he was paid. Sort of surprising, however, is the number two actor on the list: Ewan McGregor, who honestly can’t open a movie to save his goddamn life — his movies earned $3.75 for every dollar he was paid. I, personally, applaud McGregor for being paid so much for making the movies he wants to make, rather than Semi-Pro. Billy Bob Thornton was third on the list, and deservedly so. He’s a giant uncovered testicle. The top ten also included Drew Barrymore, Sam Jackson, Ice Cube, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Jim Carrey — I’m only surprised about DiCaprio, since he hasn’t really had a bomb — save for Body of Lies — over the last five years.
On the flip side, horsecockswallower Shia LaBeouf (Transformers and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — was at the top of Forbes list of Best Actors for the Buck, but then again, LaBeouf is paid in doubloons and lollipops, so that’s not too huge a surprise. Also among the “best bangs for their buck” was Robert Downey, Jr. (Challah!), Christian Bale, and motherfucking Dennis Quaid, who has somehow entered into the older guy with gravitas role.