The Most Overpaid Actor in Hollywood is ...
Forbes magazine, which fancies itself as one of those highfalutin business periodicals, lowered itself into the Hollywood muck this week (hit whoring) and ran a piece on the most overpaid actors in Hollywood, using a very sophisticated algorithm that involved a lot of spit, a little friction, and a scab or two.
What they surmised after tossing aside that fancy-ass algorithm and using their goddamn common sense, however, was that Will Ferrell is Hollywood’s most overpaid actor.
Apparently, over the last five years, which have included box-office bombs like Land of the Lost, his employers have earned just $3.29 for every dollar he was paid. Sort of surprising, however, is the number two actor on the list: Ewan McGregor, who honestly can’t open a movie to save his goddamn life — his movies earned $3.75 for every dollar he was paid. I, personally, applaud McGregor for being paid so much for making the movies he wants to make, rather than Semi-Pro. Billy Bob Thornton was third on the list, and deservedly so. He’s a giant uncovered testicle. The top ten also included Drew Barrymore, Sam Jackson, Ice Cube, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Jim Carrey — I’m only surprised about DiCaprio, since he hasn’t really had a bomb — save for Body of Lies — over the last five years.
On the flip side, horsecockswallower Shia LaBeouf (Transformers and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull — was at the top of Forbes list of Best Actors for the Buck, but then again, LaBeouf is paid in doubloons and lollipops, so that’s not too huge a surprise. Also among the “best bangs for their buck” was Robert Downey, Jr. (Challah!), Christian Bale, and motherfucking Dennis Quaid, who has somehow entered into the older guy with gravitas role.