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The Cast for the Unauthorized 'Full House' Movie May Have Been Cloned with Silly Putty

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 4, 2015 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 4, 2015 |

The cast of the unauthorized Full House movie on Lifetime (airing August 22nd) has been revealed, and they look like what might happen if the Full House cast had been cloned in a petri dish but somebody knocked over the dish before the clones were fully formed.

Stick them back in the oven. LET IT COOK SOME MORE.

They look like an alternate dimension version of The Full House cast if the alternate dimension tried to slip through a crack into our dimension but got stuck in between.

They look like the kind of Full House impersonators you might find in crumbling mall during the last Christmas before it’s bulldozed to make way for a parking lot for the adjacent IKEA.

They look like the Full House cast after a puppy has licked them so hard that it changed the molecular structures of their face.

They look like the Full House cast after they’ve been shot repeatedly with industrial-strength potato guns.

They look like wax statues of the Full House cast if they were melted down and reformed by a blind man.

They look like the human equivalent of the settled remains at the bottom of a cereal box.


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.