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Insert "Hole" Joke Here

By TK Burton | Industry | December 3, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Industry | December 3, 2009 |

One more to file under “It was only a matter of time.”

That’s going to get its own section on this site soon, I swear.

Anyway, the soulless meddle-monkeys at Disney are apparently gearing up for a remake of the 1979 minor classic The Black Hole. I confess, I’ve never seen it, but from what I can tell, those that have remember it somewhat fondly. Whether that’s because it’s a genuinely good movie or out of sheer nostalgia is up for debate. According to the good people at Cinematical, the original was about

a group of space explorers [who] discover the lost USS Cygnus, floating dead on the edge of a black hole. Logically they haven’t seen Event Horizon, so they happily board the ship to see what’s become of the crew. There they meet a scientist and his group of robot friends (some cute, and one mean, red, and named Maximilian), and he claims his crew deserted him when he tried to travel through the black hole. Of course, he’s not telling the truth. The robots are the former Cygnus crew, and the scientist has no intention of letting them leave.

Certainly sounds like it has potential, and of course the advantage of redoing it in the modern era is that you can jazz up the effects quite a bit. But if there’s one thing Michael Bay has taught us, it’s that fancy shmancy special effects do not a quality movie make. Also, that giant robots should have balls.

Fuck Michael Bay.

Where was I? Oh, right. Anyway, they’ve tasked Tron: Legacy director Joseph Kosinski and producer Sean Bailey with its development, which is interesting. They’re clearly keeping it in the family, and I have to admit that I’m pretty intrigued by the Tron sequel, but that’s mostly due to my love of The Dude.

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.