Jillian Michaels scares the crap out of me, with her seething anger and crazy eyes. I’ve always wondered if at some point someone on “The Biggest Loser” would just snap her in half and wolf her down, especially since the fake-tan leather of her constantly exposed midriff reminds me of truck stop beef jerky. But she will now swallow another hour of NBC’s primetime sometime in 2010, in all likelihood dislocating her jaw as she officially hits 40% of what Leno’s chin currently manages.
Jillian will host “Losing It With Jillian,” which sounds like the hippest thing since getting jiggy with it. Each episode of the show will feature Jillian moving into a family’s home and yelling at morbidly obese children to drop the damned pot pie and get on the treadmill already. Oops, misread that press release, I mean “giving you realistic tools and a realistic environment to transform your life and the life of your family.”
And besides, a disposable executive at NBC tells us that “Jillian is the world’s leading lifestyle expert with a signature style all her own.” You know what else has a signature style? All of the logos on the beautiful packages of processed food that call to me at the supermarket. Jillian might judge me, but deep-fried cheese whiz smeared on Doritos loves me for me.