The BBC has decided to release some statements this morning regarding some fan controversies that I hadn’t heard of. So if you’re as oblivious as me, you get a twofer: you get to learn what fans are allegedly demanding, and you get to learn what the BBC says about said demands. And it’s not “we don’t negotiate with terrorists” because I haven’t taken hostages. Yet.
First up is the apparent fan demand for the “Doctor Who” 50th anniversary special to be broadcast in 3D. The BBC is graciously bowing to the public demand that I honestly do not think exists. I’m going to be hyperbolic here for a moment and declare that not a single viewer of “Doctor Who” wants it to be in 3D. Well, maybe 4%. Because you can get 4% of people on a poll to agree to anything. For instance this poll of Americans, which asks if the respondent has ever been to Hawaii. Four percent of people living in Hawaii say that they have not.
Since I’m not aware of anyone who wants to be given the choice of watching “Doctor Who” with funnier glasses on than usual or to watch it in the dark and grainy 2D that results from a 3D shoot, I can only imagine that there is a special species of “Doctor Who” watchers who live up the asses of BBC executives, which is apparently where said executives have wedged their noggins. Such ass-people may very well be happy with dark and grainy television since that defines their lives already. And there may very well be multitudes of such people, since it is apparent that the asses of network executives are bigger on the outside, given the sheer quantity of shit they can produce.
Whew. How about some good news?
Apparently there is another controversy surrounding the 50th anniversary special of “Doctor Who”. A bunch of fans have gotten the vapors over cramming the anniversary special inside of the Christmas Special. “We want two specials!” The fans have screamed, presumably somewhere that I can’t hear them. “And we’re mad the 7th season was split in two.” They continued. “And I want a pony!” One of them yelled. In response, the BBC released this statement:
“Thanks for your contact regarding Doctor Who broadcast on BBC One.
I understand that you are feel there are insufficient programmes planned to mark the 50th anniversary of the series.I also note that you are unhappy with the way in which series 7 has been split into two parts.
Whilst I appreciate your concerns, we haven’t announced what we have planned to mark the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who yet, but we would like to assure you that fans won’t be disappointed.
Additionally, please note that the decision to schedule series 7 in two parts was a creative one and we’re sorry you are unhappy about this.
Nevertheless, please be assured that I’ve registered your comments regarding this issue to our audience log. This is a daily report of audience feedback made available throughout the BBC, including to the producers of Doctor Who, as well as members of senior management.
The audience logs help to shape future decisions regarding BBC programming and output.
Thanks again for taking the time to contact us.”
That was so Britishly polite that I can hardly read it for comprehension. The second half of the seventh season of “Doctor Who” arrives in March.