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How Do You Feel When Half a Plan Comes Together?

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 11, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | January 11, 2010 |

I’ve made my peace with remakes. It’s like global warming. There’s nothing I can do to prevent them, and so I’ll just buy heavier sunblock.

The trailer for The A-Team has been released — whether willingly or “accidentally” remains to be seen — and is below for your viewing pleasure.

Friends of the site Derek Haas and Michael Brandt (Wanted, 3:10 to Yuma) took a punch or two at the script, and the jury’s still out for me. I didn’t envy them the task; I mean, what the hell do you do with the fucking “A-Team”? It should be a fine balance between complete camp and over-the-top action, which looks about right. I mean, there’s a goddamn parachuting tank falling out of an exploding airplane, blowing another airplane out of the sky. (By the way, Brandt and Haas, the ‘Jiba should get a credit for that shit. You know it’s based on the fucking Murdertank. Own up to that.) The special effects are nothing special, but I’m hoping they’re saving the bananas stuff for the film itself. It’s just as stupid as the Go-Bot workout uniforms from GI JOKE, but it’s the right KIND of stupid. It’s a mega shark killing a bridge stupid. I approve.

And I’ve got faith in Joe Carnahan. I was expecting a little gritty realism, but then I remembered this is The A-Team. And Smokin’ Aces, while not as good as it should have been, was still a damn fun film. If he took that same kind of approach to A-Team, it’s still salvageable.

The cast is the problem, only it’s assbackwards from when I had first thought. A year or so makes the difference, I guess. Liam Neeson suddenly doesn’t seem so out of place as Hannibal, kicking ass and grunting around a cigar. And Sharlto Copley — Wikus from District 9 — actually kind of nailed Murdock. The two I thought were locks are actually the weaker points. Faceman was soap-opera smooth, more game show host than used car salesman, and so to make him this shirt-ripping pretty boy seems a little goony. But Cooper’s got the chops and the charm, so it might work. I can’t abide by Quinton “Rampage” Jackson’s B.A., and really it’s saying how much we underestimate the abilities of Mr. T. Dude’s got a total Sherman Helmsley on steroids and bible thump going. He wasn’t a good actor, he was really good at being Mr. T. And Jackson lacks that sort of snarling WWE mentality. He looks like he can punch a hole in the old red and black shaggin’ wagon, but he’s not really any fun.

But that fucking parachuting tank! That’s right now what I’m clinging to. That, and the fact that Dirk Benedict and Dwight Schulz — the original Faceman and Murdock, respectively — have cameos.

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