Hello there, you disgusting collection of simpering assfaces. Here’s some news for you.
Good news: Albert Hughes, co-director of The Book Of Eli and From Hell, is no longer attached to direct the live-action remake of Akira. I say this is good not because I bear Mr. Hughes any ill will, but because I’m hoping that this will eventually lead to the entire project being scrapped. Considering the lead has been linked to everyone from Keanu Reeves (winces) to DiCaprio (shrugs) to Zac Efron (dies inside), I’d rather it just quietly disappears. I’m rarely that lucky though.
Also good news in the lost director front: David O. Russell has left the video game adaptation, Uncharted. Why is it good news? Fans of the game (myself included) were in an uproar after the supposed casting of Mark Wahlberg as Nathan Drake, as well as Russell’s strange take on the story (he was also penning the screenplay), which somehow was going to incorporate Drake’s father and uncle and just generally didn’t gel with the universe created by the game. The game (and its sequel) is, by the way, the fucking balls.
As of now, neither project has new talent attached (*cough*NathanFillion*cough*)
In comic book movie news, there’s a rumor swirling around, courtesy of Latino Review, that there will be an additional villain attached to Joss Whedon’s Avengers, due out next year and filming as we speak. As of now, the running speculation is that the main villain is Loki (Tom HIddleston, and that’s confirmed), with possible appearances by the alien Skrull race. Latino Review is also saying that Thanos will play a part in the film, as an additional villain. I dunno. Thanos isn’t one of my favorite characters, and that could crowd things up a bit. He’s another intergalactic character, an immortal bent on the literal destruction of the universe. Also? He’s a little goofy looking:
That said, if his hand looks a little familiar, it’s because his glove, the Infinity Gauntlet, was briefly seen in Thor:
Hmm. We shall see.
As for this week’s bad news, because there’s always bad news, there’s apparently an adaptation of Dan Simmons’ epic Hyperion series in the works. If anyone has read the novels, you will likely agree that it’s a near-unfilmable concept. The novels — also known as The Hyperion Cantos — is a sprawling, complex, richly characterized space opera that has innumerable characters, spans several distinct time lines, and takes place over the course of several hundred years. It’s outstanding writing, and I hope this project dies swiftly in the womb.
But what makes things even weirder and more terrifying is that The Great Emu himself, Bradly Cooper, is the one working on writing the adaptation, though no deal is in place — it’s strictly early-stage stuff at this point. If I had to guess who would be a big fan of the source material, I would not have guessed Copper. But all signs point to him desperately trying to break out of his smarmy, comedic leading man roots and move onto other things — he was mentioned as the lead for The Crow and an adaptation of Paradise Lost, and perhaps there’s more than meets the eye. Regardless, it’s not that I don’t think Cooper can do it — it’s that I don’t think anyone can do it.
Interesting: Isaiah Mustafa, also known as “The Old Spice Guy Who Isn’t Bruce Campbell,” is apparently lobbying hard to play Luke Cage, aka Power Man. He even made his own trailer:
In more superhero news, for some elusive reason Warner Brothers and DC Comics are apparently working on a Hawkman movie. I have no idea why. Here’s their logline for it:
Part INDIANA JONES/DA VINCI CODE, part GHOST tentpole about the fictional superhero that appears in D.C. Comic books. He used archaic weaponry and large, artificial wings attached to a harness made of the Nth metal that allows flight. Most incarnations of Hawkman work closely with a partner/romantic interest named Hawkgirl or Hawkwoman in his fight against supervillains. Based on the DC comic.(The Playlist)
HA! That’s a joke, right? Because, all you need to know about Hawkman can be found in this, my favorite superhero video of all time: A collection of drunken heroes giving Hawkman shit for, well, being Hawkman. Because really, how fucking lame is Hawkman, anyway.