I understand that plots can sound so much worse than they actually are when describing a series. I mean, “Game of Thrones” could be described as a ‘medieval sort of society fighting for control of the kingdom” and be technically correct while still sounding lamer than it really is. So just because these 7 pilots sound really, really terrible doesn’t mean they will be terrible. It’s really likely, but maybe 5% unlikely. Thanks to The Hollywood Reporter for the information that broke my spirit and Britney Spears for being my spirit gif animal.
“The Crazy Gene” on ABC
Starring: Kelly Preston, Jane Seymour, Ashley Williams, Ella Anderson, Steve Talley, Isaac White, Haley Lu Richardson, and Rhys Darby.
Kelly Preston comes from a family full of thieves and low-life scum, but she’s the family outcast. Her clean living is shunned by her relatives. Everything changes when her brother is sent to prison and Preston’s character decides to raise his kids along with her adopted African-American child.
It’s a single camera sitcom that will probably be filled with gems such as: Teaching kids not to steal! Learning what family really means! Probably something related to being white trash! The fun never starts!
“Spy” on ABC
Starring: Rob Corddry, Paget Brewster, Nat Faxon, Ken Jeong, Moshe Kasher, Camille Guaty, and Mason Cook.
Corddry plays a father who yearns to make his son proud since they are such opposites. Through what I assume will likely be shenanigans and goings on, Corddry inadvertently takes a job with the Secret Service!
What. Suspending disbelief that one can just accidentally land such a high profile and important job, the premise still sounds idiotic. You don’t know how to connect with your son so you find a job to define you? How is this funny? This is why we can’t have nice things.
“Crazy Ones” on CBS
Starring: Robin Williams, Sarah Michelle Gellar, James Wolk, Hamish Linklater, and Amanda Setton.
Williams and Michelle Gellar portray a father and daughter duo that work together in advertising.
I don’t need to explain the terrible here, right?
“Dads” on Fox
Starring: Seth Green, Giovanni Ribisi, Brenda Song, Peter Riegert, Martin Mull, Tonita Castro, and Vanessa Lachey. From Seth MacFarlane.
Green and Ribisi are successful thirty-somethings who have their lives upended when their terrible dads move in with them.
Since, you know, you can’t just say no to someone wanting to move in with you and cockblock your rockin’ bachelor lifestyle. This series has actually already been given a 6 episode order.
“I Suck At Girls” on FOX (Publisher’s Note: This one was also picked up yesterday for 13 episodes, although they changed the name to “Surviving Jack.”)
Starring: Christopher Meloni, Alex Kapp Horner, Connor Buckley, Claudia Lee, Kevin Hernandez, and Tyler Foden.
The logline is, I sh*t you not, “Based on Justin Halpern’s book I Suck at Girls, it’s a story about a boy becoming a man, and a man becoming a father, in a time before coming of age was something you could Google.”
“The McCarthys” on CBS
Starring: Jacki Weaver, Jack McGee, Jake Lacy, Joey McIntyre, Jessica Chaffin, and Jimmy Dunn.
This show is about a family in Boston that’s hanging tough and crazy about sports. Maybe they’ll have the right stuff and blow your mind, step by step.
It has all the ingredients to become stereotypical crap. Plus, Joey McIntyre.
“Bad Management” on ABC
Starring: Sharon Horgan, David Spade, Rachael Harris, Greta Lee, EJ Bonilla, Alan Thicke, and Bradley Dodds.
This ‘comedy’ takes place in a fancy-pants department store where manager Sharon Horgan is the self-centered manager. Then the boss’ son, David Spade, shows up and gets his patented smarm all over everything.