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The '50 Shades of Grey' Teaser Is Really Going to Appeal to Knee Fetishists

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | July 21, 2014 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | July 21, 2014 |

The teaser for 50 Shades of Grey premiered on Beyonce’s Instagram account over the weekend for some reason. I guess because Beyonce’s Instagram account probably has a bigger audience than the usual outlets for these sorts of things. The full trailer itself will also debut on Beyonce’s Instagram account this Thursday because Beyonce has no problem being associated with a tawdry, badly-written novel about an abusive sexual relationship.

But then again, Beyonce and Jay Z are high-ranking members of the Illuminati who had Whitney Houston ritually murdered as a sacrifice for Blue Ivy, so don’t put anything past these two.

You all do know that “Ivy” refers to “I-lluminati’s V-ery Y-oungest” and Blue means “B-orn L-iving U-nder E-vil,” right? And that her name spelled backwards — Eulb Yvi — is Latin for Satan’s daughter?

I just blew your mind, didn’t I?

Sorry, I had to soften your brain for the teaser. Here you go!

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.