You know, I get it. I really do. Awards shows are bullshit. They don’t mean a thing. It’s just an excuse to watch celebrities congratulate themselves, and if you’re lucky, there’ll be an occasional honest moment or a joke that lands. Why even watch?

You can be cynical about it all you’d like, but I don’t care. Once you divorce an awards ceremony from the awards themselves — that is, recognize that who does and does not win really doesn’t matter in the overall scheme — something like the Golden Globes can be fun to watch. I thought Ricky Gervais was brilliant last night — every time he introduced a presenter, I had to brace myself. He was brutal, only relenting when it came to Sandra Bullock (which was a relief, as I feared Nazi outfit jokes). Celebrities are paid millions; they can stand to be uncomfortable for a few minutes. In his monologue, Gervais said a lot of the things we’ve been saying for weeks; it’s just he had the British balls to say it to their faces. If you didn’t see it, check out the full monologue. The man managed to genuinely bruise some egos last night, and it was refreshing. That sly take down on Tim Allen might have been cracked a rib. And who, besides Ricky Gervais, would end a ceremony with this line, “Thank you to God. For making me an athiest”?

The speeches for the most part were a run-of-the-mill grocery list of names, but there were a few genuine moments. Christian “Jesus” Bale killed. Colin Firth gave a great self-effacing speech; Natalie Portman was adorably nerdy; and it was fun to see Katey Sagal get an award, especially because it meant at least one television comedy award wouldn’t go to “Glee.” Fucking “Glee,” man. That right there is genuine proof that the Hollywood Foreign Press has its head so far up its own asshole that they can see out of their own necks.

Still, for me, it was one of the best awards ceremonies I’ve seen because I didn’t care, because I was drinking, and because I could spend the evening riffing with the wife and reading Courtney’s brilliant live blog aloud to her. Even if you don’t care about awards, that’s a fun live blog to revisit.

The awards themselves? Who cares. Robert Downey, Jr. made a sleazy pass at Emma Stone. That’s what matters.

Here are the winners, all the same.

Best Motion Picture - Drama
The Social Network

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Drama
Colin Firth, The King’s Speech

Best Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical
The Kids Are All Right

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama
Natalie Portman, Black Swan

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical
Paul Giamatti, Barney’s Version

Best Television Series - Comedy or Musical
Glee

Best Director - Motion Picture
David Fincher, The Social Network

Cecil B. DeMille Award
Robert De Niro

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture
Melissa Leo, The Fighter

Best Actor in a Television Series - Comedy or Musical
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Best Actress in a Television Series - Comedy or Musical
Laura Linney, The Big C

Best Foreign Language Film
In a Better World (Denmark)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Series, Mini-Series, or Motion Picture Made for Television
Jane Lynch, Glee

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

Best Performance by an Actress in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Claire Danes, Temple Grandin

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Al Pacino, You Don’t Know Jack

Best Animated Feature Film
Toy Story 3

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Comedy or Musical
Annette Bening, The Kids Are All Right

Best Original Score - Motion Picture
Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Social Network

Best Original Song - Motion Picture
“You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me,” Burlesque
Music and lyrics by Diane Warren

Best Television Series - Drama
Boardwalk Empire

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series - Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Chris Colfer, Glee

Best Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Carlos

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series - Drama
Katey Sagal, Sons of Anarchy

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Christian Bale, The Fighter

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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