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The 100 Unsexiest Men of 2009

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 7, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 7, 2009 |

The leading alternative paper out here in New England, The Boston Phoenix (which also publishes in my hometown as The Portland Phoenix) has come out with its annual list of the 100 Unsexiest Men, billed as the “100 Most Karmically Bankrupt Men on the Planet.” And although most of the fellas on the list do fit under the “Karmically Bankrupty” category, The Phoenix does pick on quite a few men for their aesthetic lack (tsk tsk), including Patton Oswalt at #98 (mocked for allegedly eating those KFC bowls of failure that he derides), Bruce Springsteen at #52 (for his extraordinary nutsack), an overweight Harry Connick, Jr. at #46, and Mickey Rourke at #40 (though, I’d argue that he fits under the Karmically Bankrupt designation, too).

Most of the rest of the list is about right, though. It ranges from Robert Pattison (#100) to John Mayer (#37) to Tyler Perry (#32) to Jimmy Fallon (#22) (described as Conan O’Bortion) to A-Rod at number four. They also slotted Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, and Jonah Hill at #19, deciding to jump on the overexposure bandwagon (whatever — where’s Nic Cage, then?). The only major bone I’d pick is Christian Bale at #8 — sure, he’s a prick. But there’s not enough assholery in the world to counterbalance Bale’s sex appeal. But it’s a minor nitpick.

You can check out the entire list over on The Phoenix website.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.