Ideas about reviving… or resurrecting… or fucking the dead corpse of Teen Wolf have been floating around for years now. Well, that time is finally here. According to ShockTilYouDrop, Jeff Davis, creator of “Criminal Minds,” a show I know nothing about except that my sister seems to love it, is penning a script for the “Teen Wolf” pilot. For those who have been living in an alternate universe, 1985’s Teen Wolf featured Michael J. Fox as a teenager, see, who, you know, turns into a wolf. He plays basketball and woos a girl named “Boof.”
It’s dumber than it sounds. It also spawned a brain-rapingly stupid sequel starring Jason Bateman, which had an identical plot, only with boxing. This one, I’m assuming, will feature the Wolf being awkward around chicks and probably excelling at ring-toss. Honestly, here’s the thing — Teen Wolf is sort of a one-shot idea. How do you create a television series out of it? What will the plotlines be? Unless it’s going to follow the Buffy model and be dramatic and feature other monsters to do battle with, it’s going to get old, fast.
In any event, the main character, Scott McCall, will be played by Tyler Posey, who is one of those excessively-gelled, generic-looking teen stars who’s been in a bunch of garbage that no one gives a monkey-shitting fuck about. So it’s got that going for it. The weirdest part of the news is that the pilot will be directed by Russell Mulcahy, who directed films like Give ‘em Hell, Malone and Resident Evil: Extinction.
Oh, and Highlander.
See, now if he were to draw on that, I could get behind it. A series of teenage, sword-wielding werewolves who decapitate each other while wooing the nerdy chicks in their school. There would be monster fights, and fountains of blood, and Queen would be resurrected to do the soundtrack, and the season finale would end in a Quickening. And maybe even a role for Clancy Brown!
But nooo, we’ll get a jackassy idea made even more jackassy. Swell. Happy Wednesday.
I am honor-bound to post this video whenever Highlander is mentioned.