Have you ever jammed a bottle of maple syrup up your ass, had it explode, and — as a result — your butt cheeks stuck together for weeks, causing a system back-up that made your eyes float?
Yeah. Me neither. But watching Taylor Lautner try to act is something akin to that feeling, I would think. Dude is seriously one of the most horrendous actors on the planet — he seems so completely self-aware and anxious, like a popular 17-year-old high school girl who is approached by local news cameras while she’s in her sweatpants. Yeah. She wants to be on camera, but OMG can they see my zit? The fella is not even cut out for public service announcements on local access channels in Canada. But of course, he’s getting his own film.
I mean: He’s knows martial arts, and he is Team Jacob, so Summit Entertainment is setting up an action pic for him called Cancun, from Eric Champnella and Grant Thompson, the former the genius behind Bernie Mac’s Mr. 3000.
The story follows an out-of-place college kid who travels with a girl to Cancun on a break. While there, the girl and her friends are taken hostage by a drug cartel and he is forced to save them. Because of course he is. And being in Cancun also takes full advantage of the fact that he’ll be able to take off his shirt in every other scene, so as to draw in the Twilight moms, too.
How bad an actor is Lautner? Take a gander — dude’s got the most self-conscious on-camera smile ever.