Come here. We need to talk.
Are you telling me that I’m being replaced as Gambit in the X-Men franchise with Charming Potato? That’s ridiculous. Have you seen me twirl a stick?
I am dismayed by this decision. I am hurt.
No, not that hurt. I’m not going to harm myself or anything. God.
I just think you’re making a mistake. I have a lot to offer besides great hair and perfect abs. I’m a very versatile actor. Have you seen my O-face?
Here’s my deep introspection face.
I can even play the drums. ON MY HEAD. Can Charming Potato do that? No, I didn’t think so.
But look. I get it. Potato-man is the flavor of the month. You gotta go with the hot hand, even if he’s not, maybe, as talented and multi-faceted as I am. But, look: do you need, like, maybe a guy that can do an impersonation of a slow-moving lizard, because I can do that, too.
I just think you’re going to want me around. Because two years from now, you’re going to miss me.
More importantly, you’re going to miss this.
Look at me for fuck’s sake. COME ON. These abs were born to play Gambit. You’re making a terrible mistake? And now you’re just going to throw me into the superhero trash bin with Ryan Reynolds and Brandon Routh?
You know what? F**k you guys. I don’t need this. I’ve been talking to some people over at Disney. Some very important people who work in, like, the maintenance department. And we’re going resurrect John Carter. We’re going to get a sequel going. And it’s going to be awesome.