film / tv / politics / social media / lists / web / celeb / pajiba love / misc / about / cbr
film / tv / politics / web / celeb


Tangled Up In Blue

By Brian Prisco | Industry | July 23, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | July 23, 2010 |

So, NBC, fresh on it’s taint-scraping from the flushing of the dead bloated carcass that was “Heroes,” has decided to once again use Comic-Con to launch it’s newest superhero television series, called “The Cape.” Set in Palm City, it’s the tale of Vince Farraday, a former cop who gets framed by an evil supervillain who’s masquerading as a caped menace named Chess. Farraday gets buttoned as Chess, and then looks to be killed in an explosion, only to reemerge as The Cape, based on a comic that his son reads.

“The Cape” is awful. First season of “Angel” awful. It’s like it was written by someone who’s allergic to comic books and bought all the superhero movies and left them on in the background while they websurfed. It’s so painfully, painfully awkwardly plotted. And The Cape is the worst fucking superhero since Handiman.

Here’s his deal — no superpowers. Instead, Keith David and Martin Klebba and his army of circus bank robbers (stay with me, it gets worse) train him in the arts of the carnival. It might have even been a subtle nod to The Escapist of Kavalier and Klay fame, if anything in this show were subtle. But it’s not. It’s just awful. Keith David teaches him how to be a magician, which involves a lot of throwing smoke pellets and voiceover. Martin Klebba, the not-Peter-Dinklage-dwarf from Pirates of the Caribbean and Feast 2, is a strongman who apparently teaches The Cape martial arts and fighting supremacy over the course of exactly 12 rounds of fighting. Oh, I didn’t get to the best part. His secret weapon? The Cape. The fucking haberdashery of badassery. He fights with his fucking cape. That’s right. It’s made of spider silk, but it’s not magical. It’s just weighted. Which is how The Cape can rip off Spawn by snatching bad guys and their guns and their henchman from the shadows. Yes, a major fucking network thought they could sell a series with a superhero whose clothes do all the work. Of course, these are the same ones who run Bravo so maybe his outfit was part of a reality show prize. Isn’t everything these days?

At least it makes sense, since his archnemesis looks like a gay club version of M. Bison from Street Fighter. Or maybe a leather daddy dentist with spooky contacts and a bad accent.

Also, Summer Glau is in this. At risk of promoting spoilers, her character is fucking stupid. You’ll hate her. As a fan of her, just avoid this. Even thinking about the M. Night Shameful twists they attempt to put her through in just 30 agonizing minutes makes me hurt all over. And I’ve never even seen “Firefly.”

I’m sorry, but slapping a cape on a cop procedural isn’t just bad, it’s insulting. At least NBC found a way to make us forgive them for “Heroes” — by making a show that’s way way worse.

Dear Frank Darabont, I'm Sorry | "The Walking Dead" at Comic-Con 2010 | By Jupiter's C*ck, That's Bloody Entertaining

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.