Back in high school, there was a girl in my class who was unbelievably attractive, but also neurotic, painfully insecure, and dull as white poster board. Everyone wanted to date her, until we actually dated her. But all she wanted was to be in a relationship, but breaking up with her would turn her into a sniveling mess. So we came up with a plan. It wasn’t an organized plan, or a conspiracy. It was an epiphany each of us who dated her came up with individually and on our own. Instead of breaking up with her, we’d just introduce her to someone else that she could date. And it worked. Every time. Someone would “go steady” with her for three months, then find someone else to go steady with her for three months. It was win win for everyone; we got to date a ridiculously hot girl, and she never had to be alone (and it wasn’t a sexual thing; she was a pastor’s daughter).
It seems that our particular plan has made its way to Hollywood’s high-concept factory, as Steve Carell has signed on to A Boyfriend for My Wife, a remake of the 2008 Argentine comedy Un novio para mi mujer. In it, he will star as a husband who attempts to … find a boyfriend for his wife. To do so, he hires a legendary Lothario. $47 that the role eventually goes to Russell Brand. $112 says that, in the end, the Carell character ends up falling in love with his wife again. $4,567 says that the movie — which is being scripted by the man who brought us Snow Dogs — will blow legendary goat bile.
Steve: You’re a nice guy. You’re likable. You’re incredibly asexual. Please stop making shitty movies. I remember when Dan in Real Life seemed like a bad movie. Now, it’s goddamn Shakespeare compared the crap you’ve been doing lately. You ever think about going back to “The Daily Show,” for six months or so, just to hone on your comedic skills, maybe work with some decent material again?