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And If We Threw It All Away, Things Can Only Get Better

By TK Burton | Industry | January 6, 2011 |

By TK Burton | Industry | January 6, 2011 |

So many things from the 80’s are getting new looks. One of the most financially successful ones was the Stephen Sommers-directed GI Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, which drew in over $300 million worldwide, near guaranteeing a sequel. Most of the resoundingly terrible cast is contracted for at least one sequel.

It was absolute pile of dogshit. Seriously. I’m not saying it didn’t have moments where it was entertaining, but it was an awful, awful movie. Ridiculous, over-the-top (and not in the good way), and Marlon Wayans. Seriously, someone needs to fire the Wayans brothers into the sun, just to keep them from infecting Hollywood any further. Wayons wasn’t the only problem, though. Charming Potato was his usual dull, wooden self. Rachel Nichols, who is fantastic to look at, was brutally bad. Sienna Miller was actually quite fun, until they shit the bed with her character at the end. Dennis Quaid embarrassed himself. Let’s not even talk about what they did with Joseph Gordon-Levitt. The only people who escaped unscathed were Christopher Eccleston, who is fun in everything, and Byung-hun Lee’s Storm Shadow and Ray Park’s Snake Eyes (who doesn’t speak, thankfully).

Thankfully, there are two good pieces of news to come out of the ashes of that disaster. One, Pajiba favorites Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick (Zombieland) have been hired to write the sequel. And now the most recent news, confirmed by the LA Times, is that Stephen Sommers will not be returning to the director’s chair. That is cause for celebration in and of itself.

They still have to deal with the awful cast, but we’ll see how that goes. GI Joe should really be a fun, somewhat silly, action-intensive film. Rise Of Cobra got the action part in there (even though it was frequently terrible, overly CGI’d action), overdosed on the silly, and was simply not very fun. Reese and Wernick can hopefully get it right this time.

With a better director (hard to find worse — but not that hard, sadly), who knows what the future may bring.

Yo, Joe.

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TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.