Whattup, Geeks? How’s the halitosis? Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Here’s some advice: If you stop drinking Mountain Dew: Code Red, you’re teeth won’t rot nearly as fast. Plus, your urine won’t glow in the dark anymore.
So, you’ve got a Jailbreak iPhone, with which you’ve created your own fancy-ass calendar app with a countdown clock and a cyanide pill that’s released from your phone if you don’t get laid by your 40th birthday? Congratulations! Problem is, I suppose, is that you don’t have any social events to add to that calendar. Well, I’m here to change your life (or at least give you something to look forward to besides your own self-demise).
First up, Star Trek 2 has got a release date! According to Coming Soon, Paramount has tentatively set a date of June 29, 2012, a mere two-and-a-half years in the future. Nevermind that Abrams hasn’t even officially signed on and there’s no script yet, you can now make plans to be in the theater for the entire 4th of July weekend in 2012, which will help alleviate your loneliness and give you a brief break from your First Life girlfriend in 2012.
Wait! Wait! There’s more. Hugh Jackman, speaking backstage at the People’s Choice Awards (I know! Fuck the people! amiright?) says that filming for the Wolverine sequel should begin in a year or a year and a half in Japan. Which means that Wolverine 2 will probably also see a 2012 release date, too (and with The Avengers also coming out in 2012, I hope you’re 40th birthday doesn’t arrive that summer). I know! How exciting. Strap on those claws and buy yourself a Wolverine slushy to celebrate.
Now, I know you’re super-bummed about the indefinite delay of Spider-Man 4 (stop cutting yourself!), but the good news is this: John Malcovich has confirmed what Nikke Finke first reported last week: That he’s set to be the Vulture in the fourth installment of the franchise. I know! Malcovich! Even I’m excited by that. I’d just assumed they’d cast Pete Wentz.
Elsewhere, Joshua Dallas has replaced Stuart Townsend as Fandral in Kenneth Branagh’s Thor because of creative differences. I barely understand the sentence I just wrote.
Finally, here’s something a little more immediate, to get you through your day — a new trailer for geek dreamers, Kick-Ass, which opens this year’s SxSW (if you’re attending, please don’t break your wrists trying to beat me up) before opening wide on April 16th. This trailer will make you erect. I know, because I am!