Why is that our headline? Who would possibly assume that’s a plot point of Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu’s adaptation of Michael Punke’s novel? Drudge Report.

Their actual headline:

And here’s a choice excerpt:

The bear flips Leo over and thrusts and thrusts during the explicit mauling.

“He is raped — twice!”

I’ve seen The Revenant. So I can assure you that among its many harrowing moments, there is no bear-on-man rape. However, I cannot explain how someone watched this movie’s mauling scene (teased in the trailer) and walked away with that reading.

All the same, Drudge’s uproar spurred the film’s distributor to issue a statement to EW:

“As anyone who has seen the movie can attest, the bear in the film is a female who attacks Hugh Glass because she feels he might be threatening her cubs. There is clearly no rape scene with a bear.”

But hey, at least Twitter had fun.

1. Is that a thing? Like would a bear really rape a human? 2. If this doesn't get him the oscar….. WHAT WILL HE DO NEXT.

— no. (@simonefiasco) December 1, 2015

@MikePMcgehee They lost me at "not bear rape."

— MikeMikeMikeMikeMike (@dying_robot) December 2, 2015

Nothing like pouring yourself a glass of wine and settling in to read all the hot takes on how bear rape doesn’t happen in that movie.

— Preston Yancey (@prestonyancey) December 2, 2015

Just saw THE REVENANT. Sad to report there's no bear rape in the film. You'd think a movie that long would find some time for bear rape!

— Adam Frazier (@AdamFrazier) December 2, 2015

Has Fox confirmed/denied that that there is bear rape in ALVIN & THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP?

— Brian Lynch (@BrianLynch) December 1, 2015

Stop spoiling all the bear rape/not bear rape fun for those of us who haven't seen the movie yet, jerks

— jen yamato (@jenyamato) December 1, 2015

exclusive: CG bear from The Revenant responds to Drudge rape allegations pic.twitter.com/S9p6PXxUzH

— david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) December 1, 2015

What a bear rape apologist might looks like. pic.twitter.com/WnXxF8VRoO

— Megawatt Herb Drench (@mdrache) December 1, 2015

Q: Gonna go see The Revenant? A: Does a bear rape in the woods?

— Ben Domenech (@bdomenech) December 1, 2015

DRUDGE: For your consideration in all categories… pic.twitter.com/pNLSpH6fAc

— Drudge Report News (@Drudge_Report_) December 2, 2015

Kristy Puchko can’t even sometimes.

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Kristy Puchko is the managing editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.