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Spike TV Proves Rock Bottom is a Moving Target

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | May 12, 2011 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | May 12, 2011 |

In case you haven’t noticed, and since most of our readers have standards, chances are you haven’t, Spike TV still exists. This is the channel that claims to be the first channel for men, although anything its small stereotypical brain would list as being “for men” such as sports, video games, and breasts of course already have dedicated channels elsewhere on the cable box. Funny thing, Spike TV just had a press release announcing their new show pickups, and they’re all reality television.

I know that you’re all waiting with bated breath for the details so here you go:

“Hungry Men at Work” will follow the cooks who cook for men in the most dangerous jobs in the world, such as fire fighting and working on oil rigs. Because the most interesting part of working in dangerous conditions is watching Frank microwave hot dogs at the end of the day.

“Auction in My House” is a reality series based on the British series “Secret Dealers” which has been so successful that it has neither a wikipedia page nor a synopsis on IMDB. The website for “Secret Dealers” looks like it came off of AOL in 1996 and has this summary:

“Secret Dealers is presented by Kate Bliss. The series sees two family homes visited by three antique dealers who are on the look-out for items they can sell. When the families return home they learn the valuations and cash offers that are being made for some of their most prized possessions. They then have to make the decision whether to sell their prized possessions.”

Oh yeah, nothing says television for men with a convincing growl like a half-assed version of “Antique Road Show.”

“The Hustler” follows “salesman Josh T. Ryan.” They could at least pretend this has to do with pool hustling, but such a demonstration of creativity would spontaneously ignite the rest of this list.

“Pawn Games” is a series that “gives contestants a chance to win back prized possessions they’ve already pawned.” Once they get grandma’s ashes back, are they allowed to pawn them again? I mean, that’s getting the heroin twice for the same irredeemable betrayal. The show is created by a Jersey Shore executive producer, so you know that you really don’t care.

“The Sheriff” is being billed as a sheriff makeover show, which I assume involves fashion coaching of some kind.

Finally, “World’s Worst Tenants” is a reality show following a Los Angeles evictor at his job. So hey, that will be a really uplifting show. I wonder when they’ll do a crossover special with “Pawn Games.”

This is a train wreck of a schedule, I mean you just can’t look away from this collection of shows. I’m tempted to say that the only way this station could be more of a waste of signal would be if it just went black 24 hours a day, but then at least it would have the utility of avoiding burn-in on a television with a broken off-switch.

(source: THR)

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Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.