Someone still thinks there’s a large market for a spinach-eating, grammatically challenged strong-armed doofus, his hamburger-gobbling mooch of a friend, a fat-ass villain, and a whiny, emaciated damsel of a girlfriend.
Fuck me in the armpit.
Sony Animation is putting together a stunning, 3D completely CGI version of Popeye for the big screen. Because why not? The live-action version of Popeye, directed by Robert Altman, of all people, and starring Robin Williams, was one of the absolute worst movies ever made. How could they mess that up even worse?
Oh, they’ll manage. According to Avi Arad, this Popeye will “”will cover the themes of friendship, love, greed and life, and focus on human strengths and human frailties.” Ahhhhhhh. Cuddles! “What always blew me away is the level of the animation,” he continued. “It was so beautiful and unbelievably detailed.” And that’s why, I presume, Arad will scrap the 2D animation and make a beautiful and unbelievably detailed CGI fuckfest. Like this, Rick Baker’s version of Popeye via Collider:
Well, at least they’re being transparent about what the Popeye movie is all about: Selling you some other shit.
The spinach-loving hero, who spawned the longest-running series of talking animated shorts, is considered a merchandising gold mine, with Popeye toys, books, puzzles, and games. Studio says the character, whose likeness is used widely to hawk green veggies, is the world’s No. 1 licensing character in food.
The question is: How are they going to inject high-fructose corn syrup and transfatty acids into spinach? What’s the point, otherwise, if you can’t promote a product that will increase youth lethargy, making them more prone to watching shitty movies and eating shitty food? Ooooh. I know: Twinkie’s filled with spinach?
That’s a goldmine, people!
And, as always, we have Alvin and the Chipmunks to blame for this, and by extension, its star Jason Lee, and indirectly, Kevin Smith for discovering Jason Lee. So, thanks Mallrats!