Snowpiercer, which is getting amazing word of mouth for an Eskimo snuff film (and yes, I’ve used that joke before, but no one laughed, which means it’s still fresh. This is how humor works. It’s science.) is apparently giving up on that whole strategy of just showing the film projected onto sheets propped up in random cul de sacs. While that strategy netted $1.5 million last weekend (with a very high per screen average if dipping into statistics gives you a purr), the distributor has decided that it’s time for VOD.
Usually this means that a distributor is giving up on making any money in theaters, but the distributor has denied that, which is exactly the lie they would actually tell. A RADiUS disposable executive had this to say “We at RADiUS, decided early on, to do something completely different with this release… we’re embracing both the benefits of a platform theatrical, but also the merits of going SUPER WIDE by making it available on more ‘screens’ then any movie this summer”.
Sweet zombie Hitler with a chainsaw. Between the company name on the critical words “super wide”, I’m wondering whether the shift key is broken on his computer, or whether he just has no comprehension of the role capital letters play in the English language.
In any case, this Friday you can stop trying to find a random city in which the film is playing, and instead watch it from the comfort of your own home. Or discomfort. We don’t judge. How, you might ask? That’s between you and your cable provider. There’s probably a button on your remote that you only have ever pushed accidentally and then in a panic tried to figure out how to exit the interface before you got charged for something. VOD sounds like an STD you get from doing unspeakable things to the hole in the middle of the DVD.
When asked for his opinion on the move, Chris Evans sobbed and said “Whedon said if I don’t keep punching this bag, he’ll kill me before the opening credits of Avengers 2.”