Over on NPR’s podcast, How to Do Everything, an American listener called in to ask if there was a difference between the way American cows and British cows “moo,” and the answer is, of course there is. In fact, as Sir Patrick Stewart deftly demonstrates, not only do cows moo differently in Britain than in America, there are many different regional differences between the the way cows moo in the UK.
“It’s not a simple, straightforward answer unlike, probably, any other country where cows moo as cows moo. In England, we’re dominated by class, by social status and by location. So, for example, a cow that is in the field next to my house in West Oxfordshire would moo in one kind of way, and a cow in a field in the semi-industrial town I grew up in in the North of England would moo in another kind of way … Well, if I were at home in West Oxfordshire right now and I walked down my lane … and I say, ‘Hi, good morning, cows. And they would moo at me like this: ‘Mooooooouhh.’ Now that’s a very conservative moo … “
Stewart also delivers spot-on impersonations of Nevada cows, and cockney cows, and, honestly, you really just have to listen to it to believe it, because the way Stewart discusses the issue and mimics the accents, you actually briefly take him seriously. I say this with no hyperbole whatsoever: This is the best thing you will hear on the Internet today.