File under: Remake of a remake news. We reported not too long ago that Dimension Films is piecing together a remake of Short Circuit, which — unofficially — must have been the inspiration for Pixar’s Wall-E. Word is now that the Short Circuit remake is not only moving ahead (Number 5 is Alive!), but that there is now a director attached. In fact, that director is Steve Carr, number nine on our list of the Worst Directors in Hollywood. I suppose he’s perfect for the role, too. He specializes in bad movies that feature animal gags (Dr. Doolittle 2, Are We There Yet?) and he has his pulse on mainstream fat-ass America (Paul Blart: Mall Cop).
Dan Milano (“Robot Chicken,” “Greg the Bunny”) wrote the script, which is a straight-forward remake. I suppose there’s not a lot of leeway for interpretation: It’s a fucking robot, hit by lightning, that develops human emotions, who needs the help of humans once it is targeted by its makers for becoming a peacenik. Lousy fucking robot.
Knowing Steve Carr, in his remake, Johnny 5 will have a talking pet and a waistline the size of Nebraska. You know, to appeal to Nebraskans. Plus: Doritos product placement!
Oh, and if any of you still have some nostalgic fondness for Short Circuit, on account of the fact that you were six years old when it came out, just as I did with “The A-Team” yesterday, allow me to disabuse you of any notion that the original was any goddamn good. It wasn’t. It starred Steve Guttenberg. No movie featuring Steve Guttenberg was ever any good (yeah. That means Three Men and a Baby and Police Academy). Here, let me refresh your memory: