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Sawings Will Continue Until Morale Improves

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | January 27, 2010 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | January 27, 2010 |

Taking a page right out of the NBC playbook, Lionsgate has exercised the contract for Kevin Greutert to direct Saw VII just after it was announced that Paramount had signed him to direct Paranormal Activity 2. Since the two films have the same release date (Halloween), Greutert cannot film both and is contractually obligated to do Saw VII instead. The technical term for this legal maneuver is “shooting your dog so that no one else can pet it.”

It’s not like they kept Steven Spielberg out of the hands of the Paranormal Activity franchise, we’re talking about Kevin Greutert. Who? Exactly. He has directed exactly one film: Saw VI. Other than that he edited the other five Saw films, The Strangers and a couple of other random flicks. The general reaction to him being signed to direct Paranormal Activity 2 in the first place was a muted “meh,” and everyone assumed that the deal was sealed for part two to gargle smegma and be subtitled “Book of Shadows.”

Greutert has a hilarious series of blog posts on the topic, which have since been removed (the entire blog appears to be blank now: presumably after frantic calls from his lawyer or agent.

“If you’ve ever been raped by your dad, then you now how I feel right now.”

“I’m in the middle of something really terrible right now, as anyone who has come to this site probably knows. While I fight for justice in this, the important thing is to avoid giving in to hatred and anger, because these emotions are life killers. Hopefully we will all arrive at an amicable solution. Thank you to everyone who is working with me on this.”

“Woo hoo! Lawyers are sending me to Canada tomorrow! I just had the task of telling my 83 year old mother that no, I’m not going to be allowed to direct the movie we were all so excited about when my family last got together, and that I’m being forced to leave town before getting a chance to see her again. Yes, I’ll be filming people getting tortured YET AGAIN. So we’ll have to put off me making a film she can actually watch for another year. I’m not making this shit up.”

Personally, I love the way he bemoans being unable to let his 83 year old mother watch anything he does because he’s only gotten to make doilies at the torture porn crafts table. Seriously, if Lionsgate really does go through with making him direct, he should epically fuck it up. Add a unicorn sex scene with a midget. Take out all the graphic violence. Hell, he should turn in a 90 minute real time video of his own testicles. Don’t swallow it down and be the good employee, Kevin, don’t be that guy. Answer the call to greatness.

(source: SlashFilm)

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Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.