I have fond memories of Short Circuit, the silly little robot movie from 1986 that captured moviegoers’ hearts. I have the sneaky suspicion that it wouldn’t hold up particularly well, mainly due to the Steve Guttenberg factor, but that’s OK. For those who’ve never seen Short Circuit, well, I feel bad for you and you should remedy that before you die. Meaning you should see it soon. It’s a lovely little piece of 80’s sweetness that starred Wall*E’s idiot uncle, and it’s awesome. Anyway, it may not hold up over time, but I’m willing to leave it in a nostalgic little corner of my brain.
Except that Dimension films doesn’t care about our nostalgic memories and the kinder, gentler times from yesteryear. No, they’re remaking Short Circuit — with extreme fucking prejudice. They’re trying to settle on which soul-selling, godawful, spawn of Satan’s mouth-breathing halfwit cousin will direct it, and the list is… not pretty.
Deadline is reporting that Dimension originally signed Steve Carr to direct the film, back when they picked up the rights in 2009. Carr is the mastermind behind films like Daddy Day Care and Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Apparently, Carr isn’t quite shitty enough, however, and they’ve moved on to Tim Hill, director of Alvin and the Chipmunks and Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties.
GET IT? THEY SAID KITTIES INSTEAD OF CITIES AND EVERYBODY KILL YOURSELF.
Oh, Number Five. You did nothing to deserve this.