SyFy original movies are the most Godtopus awful, wonderfully bad, overdone, overacted cheesefests on television; they’re Lifetime movies for boys and girls and I guess the fact that they’re on SyFy makes them acceptable to watch. I mean, if a dude said he watched Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?, there would be hell to pay - but if he says he watched Ice Quake, he’ll get high fives or an ass pat. Bad SyFy movies are cool.
So on December 11th, while you decorate your house or wrap some gifts, revel in the stupidity of the latest batch of SyFy dorks getting swallowed up by a mountainside. Ice Quake is about a family separated by a Christmas Eve disaster: the thawing of Alaskan permafrost causes underground methane rivers that in turn create violent earthquakes, splitting apart huge land masses. Sure to survive are super-serious Colonel Bill Hughes (Victor Garber, The Town, “Alias”), family man, Michael Webster (Brendan Fehr, “Bones”), the kids and possibly the dog.
Here’s the first clip:
I don’t know what exactly happened to the dude that jumped over the crack, some kind of insta-freeze phenomenon or maybe the Snow Miser was hiding out under there and zapped him but good.
Next up, we have the unsuspecting, happy couple out for their last ride of the day:
Or, you know - their lives.
And finally, here are Garber and Fehr, kids, the obligatory dim female, but where the hell is the dog?
While I sort of long for Sharktopuss’s frigid cousin, Bigeightfoot to make a surprise appearance, I do hope to be content with a warm mug of cocoa and Baileys, a roaring fire and people being swallowed up whole or freeze dried like just another teaspoon of Taster’s Choice.