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Zombies & Scientists & Guns &... Wait... This Sounds Familiar

By TK Burton | Industry | September 9, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Industry | September 9, 2009 |

I’ve officially given up on complaining about reboots (note: not true). So when news came out via Bloody Disgusting that Sony Screen Gems is gearing up to do a prequel/reboot of Resident Evil, I figured, eh, what the hell. That franchise is a goddamn disaster anyway.

Except for one problem. I’m one of the few who actually likes the first one. A lot. Sure, it’s hardly a classic, but it’s an entertaining spin on the genre, and Milla Jovovich kicked ass impressively, and looked hot as hell while doing it. Decent effects, fun action scenes, solid gore factor — I’m not ashamed. I liked Resident Evil. It may well be Paul W. S. Anderson’s best movie. Now, sure, that’s not saying a hell of a lot, especially considering what donkey-fucking fail-piles the sequels were. Somehow, Alice went from being a badass special forces-type chick to a bizarre Christ-figure who, as of the end of the atrocious Resident Evil: Extinction, is now part of a clone army out to attack a group of evil beancounters in Japan. Or something. I dunno. Oh, and she can shoot forcefields? And control birds? I forget. It devolved into such an astonishing, crapellant ball of assjackery that I can barely even keep it straight anymore.

In fact, if anything, they should leave the first film as is, burn the negatives of Extinction and Apocalypse, and reboot those fuckers. Just create brand new, non-sucky sequels. But of course, no one ever listens to me. The series has devolved so far past the video games that there isn’t even really a reason to call them Resident Evil anymore, save for references to the Umbrella Corporation and zombies. I’m hardly a Resident Evil veteran — I’ve played Resident Evil 4 and 5 and that’s it, but even I can tell they’ve basically abandoned the canon completely.

In any event, this new version will go back to the story’s origins. According to Bloody Disgusting, “the idea is to redo the story of a special military unit who fights a powerful, out-of-control supercomputer and hundreds of scientists who have mutated into flesh-eating creatures after a laboratory accident.”

So… the exact same plot as the first one? Awesome. No, really, super idea.

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.