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They Drew First Blood, Not Me

By TK Burton | Industry | September 9, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Industry | September 9, 2009 |

OK, let’s get the most ridiculous part of this out of the way: There’s going to be a Rambo V. Apparently, the most recent one, reviewed so gloriously by our beloved Ranylt here, made enough cash to warrant rebuilding the creepy mumbling clay action golem that Stallone has become, and making another entry.

OK, here’s where it gets really weird.

Here’s the teaser poster:


Yeah. I know. I KNOW!! RAMBO’S GONNA FIGHT MONSTERS! MONSTERRRRS!!!! With nothin’ but muscles and a big fuckin’ knife. It’s too fantastic to be believed. It’s so retarded, it’s gotta be true.

The good folks at SlashFilm have summed up the plot thusly: The story involves a secret U.S. military installation where they are doing experiments to create “brilliantly instinctual killer soldiers that have no qualms about taking life.” And when things go wrong, Rambo is brought in with a Black Ops squad to hunt, capture and kill these chemically engineered creations. So basically, Rambo will be the hunter instead of the hunted.

Fucking hell. That’s the weirdest goddamn news I’ve read all day, and I’ve read some weird goddamn news. It’s utterly fabulous. The world is a brighter place today, people. Because John Rambo is going to be fucking some giant mutant cannibal super soldier evil lizard bear wild boar type-motherfuckers up.


I need to lie down for a minute.

(h/t to Topless Robot)

The Princess and the Frog Trailer | Pajiba Love 09/09/09

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.