It’s been happening every few months since that horrible, terrible, very no good Wolverine: Origins came to theaters. They’re giving the fans an actual Deadpool movie, they say. They’re going to make up for making the Merc With The Mouth into the Frankenmerc With His Mouth Sewn Shut And Weird Bladey Things And No Cancer And No Costume And Some Weird Sheen On His Skin And No Guns (Which Are His Favorite) And He Didn’t Even Get To Touch Any Boobs Guy, they say.
I tried to believe. I wanted it to be true. No matter what atrocious dumps Ryan Reynolds has taken on film over the almost five years since W:O, I will still happily help him put on the skintight red and black suit to play Deadpool. (It may take a couple of tries to get the suit on correctly, with lots of touching and smoothing. I know Deadpool wears boxers a lot in the comics, but Reynolds may need to go commando to really get the look
up down.) I’ve read the script floating around the ethereal nothingness of the internet and I liked it. A lot.
It’s not going to get made, sadly, because it’s just too violent and awesome. Another reason might be that Jeff Wadlow was brought into the Marvel fold and has made the argument for more team movies and less individual films. The upside is you can still get Deadpool harassing the X-Men or playing a key role in the X-Force movie in development. The downside is losing that awesome script by Zombieland’s Paul Wernick and Rhett Rheese.
At this point, I’ll take my Deadpool in any movie I can get him if Marvel swears not to f*ck him up so ridiculously and carelessly again. DO YOU HEAR ME, MARVEL? HE’S WORTHY OF BEING PROPERLY PORTRAYED ONSCREEN. It’s not like casting a super tall and handsome dude for Wolverine. You took away his mouth. You were so stupid. I want my boob-obsessed, gun-loving, sword-having, unhinged, annoying, wonderful, glorious Deadpool. I want him now.
But then again, maybe I’ll still get him in his own movie…