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He-Man Is Coming to the Big Screen and He's Going to Pet That F**king Battle Cat

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 14, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 14, 2010 |

I kind of hate TK right now. There’s a story that’s been sitting uncovered for a few days, and I’ve been passively-aggressively avoiding it thinking that surely! Surely! TK would run with it. Right? I mean, there’s an understanding. He takes the comic book stuff and the superheroes and the cartoons and the ’80s action reboots, and I take the whimsiquirkilicious coming of age Juno wept stuff. He covers Ryan Reynolds when he’s wearing a costume, and I cover him when he’s wearing Sandra Bullock.

We had an implicit understanding!

And yet here I am telling you that the dudes who wrote the new fucking Predators reboot have now been tasked with scripting the new He-Man movie.

In the eyehole, sir. Right in the eyehole.

So, here it is: Mike Finch and Alex Litvak are writing Masters of the Universe for Columbia. Voila!

Now, you may recall that, some time ago, we announced that another studio was putting together a Masters of the Universe movie. See, what happened there was that Warner Brothers hired Justin “I Can Walk Through Rain Drops” Marks to pen the script, and that was a mistake because Marks (Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li) knows as much about screenwriting as I do about He-Man, which is basically: “I have the pooooower! *lightening bolt* So, Warner Brothers killed the project, and Columbia secured the rights away for the Mattel property.

Now, what Mike Finch and Alex Litvak have allegedly done is to “balance a treatment that would convince the studio it was cinematic and keep the toy company satisfied that its characters were being portrayed appropriately.” What that means is that their He-Man won’t be doing any of that inappropriate shit you used to do with your He-Man toys when you were a teenager. That shit with the Battle Cat? That wasn’t right, although it explains He-Man’s lack of manhood ifyouknowwhatimean.

Or, in other words: They’re probably going to make a G-Rated He-Man movie. He-Man is going to save the world from an evil talking fish.

Look for it in theaters in 2013.

(Source: THR)

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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