From a Chicago Craigslist’s “Missed Encounters” Section, following a Motorhead concert:

Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee high black biker boots. You: Red Mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings. I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom, and got f**ked up. You had a nice c**k so I let [you] raw dog it in the stall. You were really good and you had to gag me so I would make too much noise. Anyway I’m pregnant. It’s yours. contact me if you want to be part of your child’s life.

This has McConaughey and Hudson written all over it.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.