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At Least They Started With Their Heads Up a Horse's Ass, So There's Nowhere to Go But Up

By Brian Prisco | Industry | March 8, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | March 8, 2010 |

In the big old rummage sale, New Line’s decided to dust off one of their classics for a remake — the much beloved Police Academy. Or as most of you know it, that movie with the sound effects guy. Many a talent has borne the uniform of the Metropolitan Police Cadets — from Kim Catrall, to Sharon Stone, to Bobcat Goldthwait, to David Spade. And some made their careers out of being in the venerable series (cue religious chant of Stee-eee-eee-eev-ee Goo-ooo-ooo-ten-ber-er-erg).

With something like Police Academy, I can’t really understand how they could necessarily fuck it up. Or really how it’s a “remake.” They never seemed to have too much difficulty simply swapping out the entire cast wholesale every other time. I guess they’re just sick of paying residuals to Bubba Smith and Michael “Beepity-Boppity-Boopity” Winslow.

The true question becomes whether or not they’ll adhere to the graphic sexual content and frequent and delightful nudity of the first film, or they’ll keep it a mellow and pranktastic PG-13. The producers haven’t said, nor have they announced the -Bergs, -Steins, or -Manns who’ll be penning these genius fests. Nor have they announced cast members, directors, or anything. Just that, hey lookit what we found.

Personally, as long as they stick with the Blue Oyster, the stirring march theme, and the typical hijinks, I don’t care what they do with it. Provided they at least throw a bone to some of the alums, as well. But that’s all they do with remakes now. And it can’t possibly be worse than when they went to Miami or Moscow.

I’m still kind of riding the high of the azurclejerk getting shut out, so I can’t even muster up much vitriol. Until they decide to cast Taylor Lautner and Miley Cyrus and have musical numbers. Besides, the only cop I care about coming to the big screen is Axe Cop.

(Source: THR’s Heat Vision)

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