Where the Dearth of News Forces Rock Bottom Into My Eye Socket
It is a sad goddamn day, folks, when this passes for decent movie news, but the well has run dry. I’m resorting to posting an image of shirtless men that doesn’t include Ryan Reynolds. In fact, this image completely tips my Kinsey Scale back toward 0. There is nothing even remotely interesting about this image. It’s as unenlightening as it is pointless. And yet, here we are. A picture of the wolf pack from the upcoming sequel to Twilight, New Moon. Please Trade News Gods, forgive me. But you have brought me to this (via USA Today):
And Susan Wloszcyzyna: I know you didn’t want to write this. The journalistic trade is a tough one these days, and I understand why you’d do it. I, too, once had to swallow my pride and write stuff I was embarrassed of. Dignity, unfortunately, has very little nutritional value. You have my sympathies:
Step aside, aloof vampires with all your undead issues. The wolf pack is ready to howl.
Unlike cold-blooded neck biters, these poster guys for animal magnetism are hot. So hot that their temperature runs a steady 108 degrees, as anyone who has read Stephenie Meyer’s series of gothic romances knows.
I applaud your ability to put aside your self-respect to keep your heat on and put vittles on the table. I’m being 100 percent sincere. It’s hard out there for a journo. You deserve a raise for this.