Game Movies to Have Little to Do With Games
We reported a few weeks ago that, in the continuing bizarre and unfortunate trend of old games being made into movies, Peter Berg (The Rundown, Hancock, The Kingdom) would be directing the adaptation of the classic (and boring) game “Battleship.” Basically, I couldn’t really wrap my head around the concept. Why not just make a game about sea warfare? Why tie it into the game?
Anyway, now Slashfilm (via Latino Review) is reporting that the big bad in the film has been announced. The fleet of battleships will be fighting … aliens. Yep, in order to update the game and make it more interesting, it’ll be a sea war against … aliens.
I am fucking puzzled.
So basically, we’re tossing out everything about the game, other than that there will be warships. And we’re fighting aliens. I mean, the concept has some potential, but now it’s completely unrelated to the game, which of course leads me to ask again, why is it tied into the game in the first place?
However, it opens the door to a whole new universe of game adaptations. If that’s going to be the trend, then fuck it. Who cares what the game is. Let’s just throw in random monsters and have it based on that, thereby creating limitless possibilities…
Chutes and Ladders … and zombies!
Barbie fights vampires!
Stretch Armstrong … and midget porn!
Uno and Minotaurs!
Monopoly, now featuring C.H.U.D.s!
R.I.S.K. and Mutant Cyborgs!
Candyland and … Candyman!
TK … bashing his head into a wall!