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Y’all remember several months back, when some of you predicted, after the success of Paul Blart, that Kevin James would next do a sequel of sorts: Paul Blart: Zoo Keeper? And remember how, the day after you mentioned it, that it was announced that Kevin James’ next movie was actually just that: The Zookeeper? Because you folks know that Hollywood is all about moving one step down from its latest success.
Well, now we’ve got some more details on The Zookeeper. Turns out, it’s a live-action comedy — Kevin James will not only play a variation of his Paul Blart character while watching over a zoo, but the zoo animals will actually speak. Because Hollywood is really about moving two steps down from its latest success.
And with talking animals, of course you need some voice talent, and MGM has been kind enough to line up some big names. Adam Sandler will voice the capuchin monkey; Jon Favreau will play the bear; Sylvester Stallone will provide the voice of the lion; Cher will voice the giraffe, and even motherfucking Judd Apatow is on this one, voicing the Elephant.
And because no Kevin James movie could be complete without a totally unrealistic love interest, Rosario Dawson has signed on to accept the advances of James’ sweaty man boobs.
Congrats big name stars. I hope you all spend those paychecks wisely. I might suggest you all rent some whores, but it’s easier and cheaper if you just sleep with yourselves.