Patton Oswalt Brokers Hellboyz Peace: Fly-On-The-Wall Life Goals
I think a lot about being a fly on the wall, because a) flying, and b) voyeurism. Mostly I think about going back in time to fly around the set of Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans, listening to whatever insane directions Werner Herzog gave to Nic Cage. Or seeing whatever really goes on inside Scientology’s Sea Org. And sometimes, when I’m feeling especially punchy, I imagine having a fly-off with Jeff Goldblum to see who is the best monster fly (he wins every time, obviously).
And then I found out that Patton Oswalt hosted a “summit” between two Hellboys, and my nonexistent wings started twitching.
A month ago Hellboy creator Mike Mignola announced that franchise based on his comics would be getting a darker R-rated reboot, with Neil Marshall (Game of Thrones, The Descent) directing and David Harbour (Stranger Things) starring as the titular stone-handed hero. Guillermo del Toro, director of 2004’s Hellboy and its 2008 sequel Hellboy II: The Golden Army, would no longer be involved — and neither would Ron Perlman, who played Hellboy in both films. Earlier this year del Toro announced that his long-speculated third Hellboy entry would not be happening.
For his part, Perlman has always been a big proponent of the character he originated on screen, and it was obvious that he would have loved to return to the part and finish up a trilogy of films. It’s not clear how he took the news that another man would be stepping into his oversized trench coat, but comedian and imaginary best friend Patton Oswalt stepped in to make sure there was peace in the ranks of the BPRD. The meal was a success, as Perlman took to his own social media to share the photo!
Not since Bill Clinton, Menachem Begin, and Anwar Sadat has there been such an epic summit yelding such a little result! Apparently Patton Oswalt aka balvenieboy thought it was a good idea to host @DavidKHarbour and yours truly for a detente dinner. The result: i gained 3 pounds and ruined my liver. Meanwhile, good luck kid! Signed, the babe.
Now that we won’t have to worry about any clashing Right Hands of Doom, it’s time to figure out where else we can deploy Oswalt’s diplomacy skills. A cease fire between Taylor Swift and Katy Perry? Tearing down the Wonderwall between Liam and Noel Gallagher? Peace between Trump and Rosie? Ok, that’s probably beyond even his skills…
Expect to see the reboot, currently titled Hellboy: Rise of the Blood Queen, sometime next year!