After yesterday’s tour de force of journalism on the Teen Choice Awards, it seems that I have become Pajiba’s expert on this particular televised expression of vapidity. It is a mantle that I do not wear lightly. Mostly because it had to be nailed on, and it’s still trying to tear itself off.
But there is breaking news, terrible news, about the sanctity of this greatest of meaningless things that no one over sixteen gives three shits about. It seems that the entire affair was rigged from start to finish.
Mother of god.
With the advent of powerful new technologies of screenshots and image enhancement right out of CSI, viewers of the Teen Choice Awards noticed this fine print superimposed over insipid smiling pretty dolls at the end of the show:
Winners for the Teen Choice Awards are determined using the votes cast on Teenchoiceawards.com. Votes are tabulated electronically and winners are determined based on the nominees in each category with the highest number of eligible votes. Teenasaurus Rox reserves the right to choose the winner from the top four vote getters. The Olay Fresh Effects Breakout Star Award and Ultimate Choice Award were both chosen by Teenasaurus Rox.
The lies, they burn a man’s soul.
I’ll parse them for you, in case you cannot read them through the tears of ultimate betrayal. First, there’s a company called Teenasaurus Rox. And I literally hope that they get hit by an asteroid. Science shows it’s an effective treatment,
Second, admitting that the corporate sponsor selects the winner from one of the top four vote getters (when only six are nominated in the first place) is downright Soviet.
Third, they flat admit that in particular they gave Selena Gomez the Ultimate Choice Award against the wishes of the voters. Sacre bleu!
Additional digging revealed that the winners were told six days before voting ended in order to make sure they would show up, and plan their publicity campaigns. I was going to research this further, but the sentence in the Business Insider article that begins “Vine celebrity Cameron Dallas…” made me laugh to the point of blindness every time I read it, so I moved on.
Imagine, Fox admitting that they rigged an election. If your television just jumped into the air a few inches, that was just the collective climax of the writing staff of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report.
But don’t worry! They will not get away with this! TEENS ARE ON THE CASE!
What are they doing?!?
Tweeting their outrage. Damn, Fox is going down just like Joseph Kony did.
Well thank god they’re doing something real and tangible about something they feel was wrong, and not just bitching online that democracy is a fraud and voting a lie. Congratulations Fox, you did more to destroy faith in democracy in one week of rigging a teen awards show than in a decade of Bill O’Reilly.
(source: Business Insider)