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Pack Your Knives and Act!

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | July 21, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | July 21, 2009 |

The single best reason to watch “Top Chef,” Padma Lakshmi — wonder why “Top Chef Masters” is kind of meh? No Padma! — is getting her own television sitcom. She’s signed a development deal with NBC and Universal, which has plans to build a half-hour sitcom around her. What will it be about? Cooking, of course. The show will star Lakshmi as a woman working in the culinary world — one show title being considered is “Single Serving.”

Oh, Padma. You’re too good for television sitcoms. Hell. You were too good for Salman Rushdie. Laugh tracks and sitcom puns (seriously: Single Serving?) are beneath you, Padma. I understand she was in Mariah Carey’s Glitter, and for that reason alone, I will never watch it. I don’t want to see Padma despoiled by a bad Hollywood product.

I feel bad for saying this, because I like to consider myself a feminist, although I’d say the same thing about a man if he were as singularly pretty as Lakshmi. But she is meant to stand around idly, introduce cooking challenges, and eat well-plated dishes while nodding. Does anyone eat as gracefully as Padma Lakshmi? She is seemingly devoid of bodily functions. She always eats with her mouth closed. And there’s never a stray piece of food clinging to her blouses. She is a divine eater. It’s her calling. I’m not suggesting that she’s just another pretty, vapid face. I’m suggesting that Lakshmi should be eating balsamic reductions and food that I can neither pronounce or spell (cavitchi? Sah-vee-chee?)

The first time that Padma delivers a canned line or a bad joke about how men forget to put the toilet seat down, I’m going to weep.

Tesseract by Alex Garland | Prince of Persia Movie Posters

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.