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Inching Ever Closer to a Zombie Twilight

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | September 24, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | September 24, 2009 |

… and, so it turns out that, when it comes to zombie movies, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. God knows I love a good zombie movie. So say we all! But, you can really only do so much with the zombie conceit, and at some point (say, when you start raping zombies), the subgenre starts to lose its charm. Another thing: The best zombies come from hungry directors with small budgets and a lot of creativity. Usually, they don’t come from freakin’ Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, who basically own Hollywood at this point.

Granted, the duo did bring back Star Trek, churned out an unexpectedly fun studio romantic comedy, The Proposal, and gave us “Fringe.” But they’re also responsible for producing the Transformers movies, for giving us Eagle Eye, and for writing The Legend of Zorro and The Island. In other words, they’re the guys behind JJ Abrams and Michael Bay. That’s good. But it’s also bad. But in either respect, they should stay out of the zombie business.

They’re next project: Xombie. Cute name, huh? It’s about a zombie. Who is also a policeman (I hope for the zombie’s sake that he’s a fast zombie, otherwise those chase scenes won’t have a lot of suspense). The hook, here, is that Xombie comes from a former policeman turned screenwriter, Will Beall, who is basing the movie on James Farr’s graphic novel. Farr’s creation centers on a zombie cop named Dirge who attempts to saves humanity’s remnants, particularly a young girl named Zoe, from evil zombies.

Hmmm. A good zombie saving a human from evil zombies? Granted, it hasn’t been done in the zombie genre yet, but it has several times over in the vampire genre. Note, however, that zombies don’t have a sense of humanity. They are dead. They grunt. They moan. They eat brains. That’s it.

And holy shit! Does this mean we’re growing ever closer to a zombie version of Twilight? Edward, a teenage zombie, falls in love with Bella, and tries to resist eating her brains? Oh unfuck me and shoot me in the head.

The 50 Greatest Debut Movies | Eloquent Eloquence 09/14/09

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.