Look, it’s already been settled that NCIS is the best procedural on television. So we don’t need to have arguments about that in the comments, especially ones that use standards like “quality” or other such nonsense. All I know is that when I go into making a mean chicken piccata, with only a third of the actual ingredients on hand, Leroy Jethro Gibbs is the man I want at my back, half-watched while I shrug and just throw more garlic in the pan. You might disagree with me, for there are all sorts of madmen out there, but I think we can all agree that at least it’s not fucking CSI.
So I am terribly excited to announce to all of you that there will be a second NCIS spin off set in New Orleans. It has been cleverly called NCIS: New Orleans, so it should be easy to remember. And it’s going to star Scott Bakula, who returns to television many years after the end of Quantum Leap. (Enterprise never happened, and neither did Star Trek: Voyager for that matter). I give them mounds of credit for not just tossing the spin off in Florida or New York, though I would have preferred NCIS: Great Lakes for the off the wall upper midwest take on the Navy.
Now some of you might be asking, hey, but what about NCIS: Los Angeles? And that question would be wrong. They should have just called it CSI: Fake Navy and been done with it. It’s like a network executive decided, hey, we need young people to watch NCIS, let’s put it in Los Angeles, and get one of those rappers like SVU did. I mean, I like NCIS, and have a very special relationship with Chris O’Donnell, but that thing is unwatchable.
My first kiss was with a girl who insisted I looked just like Chris O’Donnell. Her lips, honest to god, tasted just like strawberries, and Seal’s Kiss from a Rose was on the CD player. It was debate camp, we were young. Now Chris O’Donnell looks better at 43 than I did at 23. You want to joke that O’Donnell has a picture of himself somewhere that’s aging? Yeah, I’m Chris O’Donnell’s painting of Dorian Gray.
So for me to turn on NCIS: Los Angeles? That says something. But I’ll be there for Bakula.