Mr. Bean Does Odysseus
You folks familiar with Odysseus? Famously, the Greek Dude fought the Trojan War for 10 years, and then took another 10 years to return home. Warner Brothers is going to make a movie about the guy, but it’s not going to be about either the Trojan War or the trip home, where he nearly had a threesome with The Sirens and then fought off a six-headed monster, and even spent some time in the Underworld. They’re going to make up some shit, instead. Indeed, this Odysseus will be about his return home. In the real story (and by “real,” I mean the official made-up account of Odysseus’ return), the fella got home, dressed as a beggar (only his dog recognized him), and watched to see if his wife, Penelope, was still loyal to him. She was, but some asshole suitors still got some arrows through their neck.
However, in the Hollywood version — based on Anne Peacock’s (Nights in Rodanthe, Kitt Kittridge: American Girl) spec script — Odysseus will return home to find that Ithaca (his home island) is controlled by a brutal invading force. However, I’m sure — since the scriptwriter for Nights of Rodanthe is involved — that the movie will also focus on Penelope. It’ll probably be one of those romance drama war movie thingies.
Jonathan Liebesman will direct. He directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning and will direct the upcoming Battle: Los Angeles, which is like Cloverfield, only set in L.A.
No one has yet been cast as Odysseus, so let’s take a crack at it. What do you think? Sean Bean had a crack at it in Troy. I’d like to see a little something different — we’re talking 40 - 45 year old white man who can sport a decent beard. Here’s an idea, a little different than you’d expect. How about Dennis Quaid? No. Kevin Costner is a little old and can’t really pull off the beard. Gerard Butler? Too obvious. Oh, oh, oh. I know!
Do it Warner Brothers.