There is just so much NOPE in the world of entertainment right now. It’s tough to choose only one to write about.
Transformers Universe: Bumblebee
So this is a thing that exists. There is now a Transformers movie universe and the first robot-centric flick will be about Bumblebee. The yellow one. That can’t talk or whatever. Why? Are we going to see his origin story where a Camaro face-fucks a Volkswagen and baby Bumblebee falls out of the trunk?
Resident Evil Reboots Get A Producer
James Wan (The Conjuring) will be producing the reboot of the movies based on the video games. You know, the franchise that JUST ENDED ITS FIRST FILM SERIES. YEAH, WE NEED TO RESTART THOSE RIGHT NOW APPARENTLY.
Bonus Fuckery: The first reboot will be written by Greg Russo, who already wrote the upcoming Mortal Kombat reboot of the movies based on the video games. SHITCEPTION.
Charlie’s Angel Is Also Being Rebooted
Carlo Bernard and Doug Miro (Narcos) are writing the remake of the movie from 2000 that was based on the television series from the ’70s and ’80s. This shit is exhausting and terrible.
OH GODDAMMIT DID WE FORGET ABOUT THE JUMANJI REBOOT??
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. It stars Dwayne Johnson, Jack Black, Karen Gillan, and Kevin Hart.
I’m exhausted now. I need a nap. And a bottle of Hellboy Hell Water Cinnamon Whiskey!