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When's a Zombie Movie Not a Good Idea?

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | September 16, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | September 16, 2009 |

This is not the way I wanted to wake up this morning. Somebody’s about to get punched in the neck. You done fucked with the wrong remake, Hollywood. I’m about to bust open a six-pack of I Will Fuck You in the Nostril.


Do not touch the classics, ladies and gentlemen.

But that’s what some needledick pinhead named Zebediah de Soto is doing — he did the digital effects on some movie called Thirsty and apparently he believes that he’s earned enough cred now to remake George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, which is the original goddamn zombie movie. It’s not just any remake, though. It’s Night of the Living Dead in CGI 3D.

That’s right, De Soto, who wrote the script with David R. Schwartz, wants make what he called “an American-style anime.”

Night of the Living Dead, the cartoon?! You have got to be pulling my dick, people.

And it’s an origins story, to boot, if you can believe that. Because what the world really wants is the full back story on characters from a 40-year-old movie.

And why the hell not, you know? The movie is in the public domain now, so any skinny-assed hipster with a credit card and the backing of motherfucking Simon West (Con Air) can diddle the zombie classic any way they see fit.

Romero won’t be involved, because no shit. The man may have completely lost his touch, but he’s not stupid enough to turn his classic into a goddamn cartoon.

Apparently, according to THR, DeSoto designed a real-time effects system, known as ‘The Beast’, which allows filmmakers the ability to direct CG performances the same way they would direct real live actors. The aim of the process is to make tennis balls on a stick representing real people or monsters a thing of the past by allowing actors interact with CG elements as if they are tangible.

So, the cast can now interact with cartoons.

Choke on a fan belt, DeSoto.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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