Let’s take a minute and think of all the people whose lives we would never want to see turned into (but most suited to be) CBS sitcoms. I know that’s going to be a very long list, but let’s just scroll to the top five or so— the people who you really could not care any less about, who you both want to punch in the face and sweep under a rug, in equal measure.
Did Nicholas Sparks wind up in your top five? He did, right?
Apparently it’s really super hard to be Nicholas Sparks, you guys. Because everyone expects you to be the MASTER of love but you’re just, you know, like, a regular guy.
The Next Chapter’s script focuses on the life of another successful novelist, Ben Diamond, who endures divorce and reenters the single life and handling the perceived contradiction of being the modern expert on love and struggling to rediscover it.AHAHAHAHA. First of all, how long do we think this premise is sustainable? Maybe an episode? Second, BEN DIAMOND is possibly the single douchiest character name/pseudonym of all time. It’s also guaranteed that anytime this show is mentioned from now until it is hopefully swiftly canceled, I will have Rihanna and my new favorite made-up lyrics stuck in my head for hours on end.
Just me? That’s fine. I’m actually ready to feel alone in this one. Because while I immediately want to start shouting into the Hollywood void on this, about how NO ONE WANTS THIS, I also recognize that I’m wrong. A whole shit ton of people are going to supremely excited about this, aren’t they? All the people that keep seeing the crap movies they keep churning out based on his kissing/rain/horses/crying/white people/class war MadLibs word vomit are going to tune in every week and the ratings are gonna be through the damn roof. I sincerely hope I’m proven wrong. I would be so happy to be that wrong.
As for that CW adaptation of The Notebook that’s headed our way, though… we have no chance of that not lasting 8 seasons, right?