Who is Todd Lincoln, you ask? Well, most of you probably know him as the production assistant for visual effects photography on From Dust Til Dawn.
OK, he’s likely more known for his upcoming directorial debut, The Apparition, a movie we’ve never reported on here. What? We’re not fucking omnipresent, OK? Fine, I’ll report on it now:
When frightening events start to occur in their home, young couple Kelly (Ashley Greene) and Ben (Sebastian Stan) discover they are being haunted by a presence that was accidentally conjured during a university parapsychology experiment. The horrifying apparition feeds on their fear and torments them no matter where they try to run. Their last hope is an expert in the supernatural (Tom Felton), but even with his help they may already be too late to save themselves from this terrifying force.
There, happy? Also, hey! Ashley Greene! You’re pretty and the least annoying part of the Twilight movies. Good luck.
Anyway. Mr. Lincoln is also set to join the ranks of comic book movie directors, as his next project will be the Wildstorm comic Danger Girl. I’ve never read it, but it strikes me as the sort of thing that probably works better in comic book form. According to ze Vikipediaz:
The comic features a group of busty, scantily-clad secret agents led by a mentor named Deuce. The comic is a spoof of James Bond-style spy/action stories, with the Danger Girls being a send-up of the Bond girls. Unlike the Bond girls, however, the Danger Girls are the stars of the series.
Oh. So, basically Charlie’s Angels 2.0. Swell. OK, I know I’m a big defender of comics, but that sounds pretty lame. Not to mention painfully sophomoric and pretty sexist. If Lincoln has a brain in his head, he’d do something way cooler and original with the adaptation: completely remove all elements of sex appeal.
Well, according to the L.A. Times, that might be where it’s headed. Sort of. Producer Adrian Askarieh says that they’re looking to make it a combination of “Kill Bill meets Raiders of the Lost Ark with the “team” element of Mission: Impossible.” (side note: I love how Hollywood producers are incapable of describing a project in any original fashion, but always have to compare it to something else). He goes on to say that “we are taking these characters very seriously; a kind of Batman Begins (ed note: there he goes again) approach, if you will.” He also calls Lincoln’s approach “the anti-Charlie’s Angels,” which, well, OK. That’s exactly what I was hoping for. I’m not sure we;’re going to find the next feminist icon for the action movie in a comic book that specialized in cleavage and thongs, but…
Look, I like boobs and guns as much as the next dude. But you know what I’d like to see? I’d like to see a flick about a group of kick-ass tough women who get to just go all Jason Bourne on people. Deadly. Methodical. Skilled. Why do they have to be sex symbols? Why can’t we, just fucking once, have badass women who are just simply fucking badasses, and not have them have to flaunt their tits in order to achieve their objectives? It was sort of accomplished in Mr. and Mrs. Smith, but it’s very, very rare. Nikita and The Long Kiss Goodnight are two of the perfect examples. Hell, that’s what spawned this list. All I’m saying is, there should be a movie now and then where the character is female and an asskicker, but that the asskickery comes first. Note: this same principle applies to black action heroes, gay ones, etc., etc.
Sigh. I don’t know why I try to find reason in Hollywood. It’s like gazing into the abyss.