Summit Pictures is supposedly developing not just a movie and a television series based on the bestselling chart-topping cultural mainstay book series by Dr. John Gray Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
This is fertile, untapped ground for sitcoms and romantic comedies. I mean, think of it! Never before in the history of the warming glow of the televisual media have they ever developed a family or relationship on television based solely on the differences between men and women. Take for example, the well-known fact that men like sports, but women obviously don’t (“Inside Schwartz”) or that women love shopping, and men can’t stand it (“Sex in the City”) or that men want sex all the time (“Californication,” “Married With Children”) and that women always have headaches (“Designing Women,” “The Golden Girls”). I mean, look at our site and it’s obvious that you can easily just take men and women and draw a simple line in the sands and make sure that nobody ever varies from that difference. Ever.
Mediocrity and boxes are what make for successful sitcoms. Just ask the producing team from “Accidentally on Purpose,” “Mercy,” and other shows that are still on the air, right? Because they’ll be the creative geniuses bringing this dazzling concept to the screen!
And of course, it’ll make a billion fucking dollars and be a super popular sitcom, because if American audiences embrace one thing, it’s bland, easily digestible pap. There are three ways this show would be even remotely watchable:
1. Merge it with “American Gladiators” and “The Marriage Ref.” So differences are disputed by fighting against musclebound roidmonkeys smashing the faces of the fat, bloated competitors while comedians and celebrities make fun of them. (I suggest getting Greg Proops and John DiMaggio — Bender — to recreate their commentary from the Wii game MadWorld.)
2. If it were done by SyFy, and the two genders literally were from alternating planets and forced to breed on a lone colony planet between them. Also if there were somehow a MegaBeaver involved. Season two, save it for season two or sweeps.
3. Let the men of Pajiba and the women of Pajiba write alternating episodes. It would end up something like the unholy intersection between “Spartacus” as written by Joss Whedon mashed up somehow with “The Wire.” There would still be a MegaBeaver. Only it would be ridden by Betty White with a broadsword.