Here’s the thing: All three Transporter movies are pretty stupid. The stories, about an expert wheelman with endless amounts of cool, a master of martial arts and shirtlessness, are downright silly. The plots are completely unbelievable. The thing that makes them watchable and enjoyable? I think we all know the answer to that question:
Honestly? They could make another dozen Transporter movies, and I’d watch the damn things. More than once. Now, Producer Luc Besson, EuropaCorp and Atlantique Productions are working on a television show about Frank Martin, aka The Transporter. According to the lads at Dark Horizons, filming kicks off in Canada this year, and will be a weekly serial show about the adventures of Mr. Martin as he takes on missions, kicks ass, and asks no questions.
This show is already dead. They just don’t know it yet. Why?
Because of a staggering lack of The Statham. No cast is set yet, but what is certain is that Statham will not be involved.
Look: Jason Statham is The Transporter. He’s the only reason people watch the movies. He’s got the perfect blend of charisma, charm, good looks, and athleticism to carry the films. To borrow an overused phrase — there can be only one. Seriously. Oh, I’m sure people will tune in to an episode or two out of idle curiosity, but it’ll take roughly ten minutes for them to realize that there’s something profoundly wrong about it.
I think we can all already agree that there is, in general, a shortage of The Statham. Not just in movies, but in everyday life. How many times have I wished he’d come bursting through the door of a Starbucks and just hand the hipster moron in front of me a beating? Then he’d cock a grin, unbutton his shirt, and walk out with the pretty counter girl in tow. Possibly, he’d toss her over his shoulder and carry her out. And I’d be totally fine with that.
So a show about The Transporter, but without, you know, The Transporter? Not gonna work, folks.
Did people learn nothing from “Blade:The Series?”