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Drop Your Tacos or I'll Blow Your Brains Out.

By TK and Brian Prisco | Industry | April 7, 2010 |

By TK and Brian Prisco | Industry | April 7, 2010 |

One of the great, gory gems of the ’80s was Troma films’ <>The Toxic Avenger, the terrifically bad tale of a lowly janitor who falls into a tub of toxic waste and becomes an unlikely superhero. It spawned an unbelievable three sequels, all of them varying degrees of stupid and terrible, and was something of an underground staple for teenage horror/comic fans in the mid- to late-’80s (I never saw the fourth entry, Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV, released in 2000 — well past its expiration date).

Believe it or not, The Toxic Avenger is coming back, with a vengeance. According to the fellas at Bloody Disgusting, Original Media has picked up the rights to the Troma character, and will begin releasing no less than four new movies, as well as an animated TV series and a series of comic books based on the character (not too unusual, since the original series spawned both a series of Marvel comics and three different musicals). Apparently, the plan is to make the character something of an environmental icon (!), delivering a green message. While beating people to death with a mop and eviscerating them, no doubt. Man, those movies were bloody, campy, retarded fun.

Anyway, the new ventures will be produced by Akiva Goldsman, Richard Saperstein, and Original Media founder Charlie Corwin. OM has a unique list of films under its belt, including Half Nelson and The Squid and the Whale. How they ended up in this particular endeavor is beyond me.

Moreover, cleaning up the Toxic Avenger’s been done, kiddos. Even with the whole “green.” As a child, I remember the 1991 Cartoon “Toxic Crusaders” where Toxie became a superhero with a group of mutant sidekicks — most of whom involved two people being fused together like a scientist and a surfer or a hobo and a junkyard dog. Toxie and the team of cronies ripped off the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while they fought against alien polluters bent on destroying earth. It made it about 13 episodes before crapping out. So I saw that before I sought out the Troma flick and had my fucking mind blown.

What pisses me off worse is Akiva Goldsman. He cannot adapt anything well. I liked the fucking Dan Brown books and his adaptations were watered down borefests. I didn’t care for what he did with I Am Legend, but seriously, this is the motherfucker who wrote Lost In Space. And Batman & Robin. He’s made too much money to be stopped, so now he produces better films and snatches up the proceeds, using it to continue his nightmarish stalk through mediocrity.

Anyway, for you youngins, and those of you who actually had social lives in the 80’s, here’s a glimpse of Toxie’s past greatness (NSFW for language and blood. Also, 8+ minutes long, but totally worth it):

I know, right? Tragically, it was overlooked by the Academy.

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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