Can we just step back a moment and look at the pathetic downward trajectory of Oscar-nominated director John Singleton: Boys n the Hood > Poetic Justice > Higher Learning > Shaft > 2 Fast 2 Furious > Four Brothers. Talk about diminishing returns.
I think it’s going to get diminishinger, as Singleton has just signed on to direct that weird-looking Twilight dude, Taylor Lautner, in one of his many new franchises, Abduction. It’s supposedly a Bourne-style action pic, but comparing Taylor Lautner to Jason Bourne is like comparing an apple to a scab you found behind the bookshelf.
The story itself follows a young man played by Lautner who discovers that his parents aren’t his real parents — he was actually kidnapped as a child and raised as their own. The revelation unlocks a huge conspiracy, which culminates in a laser tag shoot-out at the local Chuck E. Cheese. Or something like that.
And to think: Singleton turned down The A-Team. It couldn’t have been worse than putting all your marbles in the Lautner head. Maybe there was some sort of career curse attached to Boyz. I mean, look at what it’s wrought: Ice Cube, Morris Chestnut, Chris Tucker, and Cuba Gooding, Jr. The only male actor that’s still got a shred of dignity left is Laurence Fishburne.
I think Abduction goes in front of cameras sometime after Breaking Dawn but before Lautner’s Stretch Armstrong. Welcome to the future of cinema, ladies and gentlefolk.